I can text with my tongue
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
FUCK WHALES
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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