I'm really into asian looking animals
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
