i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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