I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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