I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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