My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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