What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
