I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
