My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
