Dignity is for republicans.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
