So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just googled if crying burns calories
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
