I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
