Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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