I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
