hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
