Got a toothbrush?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
