I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
They are going to name an STD after you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
