why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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