For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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