My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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