Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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