Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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