for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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