I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
