I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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