I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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