He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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