she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
