If i come over, it means nothing
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize