I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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