she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
