u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
