Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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