Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
