Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
