oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
