I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
