He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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