Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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