I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Randomize
