Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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