Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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