Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
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