that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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