Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just google imaged poop.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
me + whiskey = a bad person
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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