I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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