allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
