I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
