you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
