Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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