Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
