If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
