i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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