We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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