sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And my parents said I crawled through the house
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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