Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
