Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize