i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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