That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize