You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
