Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
