toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
