he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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