Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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