Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
