Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
