An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
