How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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