I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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