his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
This toilet bowl is my home.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
