I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i think i just lost a toe
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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