Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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