Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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