I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I forget how to act sober
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
