it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
