how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
