I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
