Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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