Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize