Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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